Why personal growth sucks

And why it’s still worth it

Ever cringed when you look back at your old pictures of yourself or posts on social media from five years ago? Or are you sometimes a tiny bit embarrassed about how passionate you were about this one thing that you couldn’t stop talking about and how it now no longer feels true? Sounds familiar? Well, let me break it to you: that, my friend, is a surefire sign of personal growth. 

For me, it was Yoga. I have practiced Yoga for more than 25 years, I actually started when I was a teenager, wayyy before that was cool. I did it in a little course with some older ladies and some bored housewives, no offense. And I was hooked, I practiced and read every book I could find. Yeah, remember books, that was before the internet. Fast forward 20 years, when I was in my late 30ies and Covid hit, I wanted to make it a reality and become a Yoga teacher. I did my 500 hour YTT, built a website, started a - terribly unsuccessful - YouTube channel and Instagram account, formed a full-fledged company and was all about changing my life and living the dream as a Yoga teacher. I practiced every second, I studied and optimized and talked about it. All. The. Time. Turns out, I enjoy teaching, but I could never ever imagine doing this for a living. Ever. Recording Yoga videos and doing endless voice-overs all the time or being in a studio day in, day out - no fucking way I was going to do this for the rest of my life. 

I still worked my corporate job at the time and I didn’t think of quitting yet. What the business portion of my Yoga teacher training did however do was to spark that little entrepreneurial fire inside of me. I started to feel that I wasn’t cut out to spend my life in an office, doing what somebody else told me to do. 9-5, day in, day out. I still didn’t have a plan B. And teaching Yoga full-time was definitely not going to be that Plan B. 

In hindsight, I can tell that it was a first step. Had I not taken that Yoga teacher training, I would have never gotten that idea that I could go out there and do my own thing. Learning all the tech stuff, lights and sound and video editing made me realize how action goes a long way. How simply doing stuff and trying, pivoting, reiterating is part of the game and teaches you more than all the business books in the world. Even if it fails and you end up not doing it for a living, nobody can take that experience away from you. 

It will make sense. Later.

Next up was doing the obvious. Leaving my job to be self-employed as a lawyer - what I still happily do at the time of writing this in early 2024. And building something meaningful on the side. Something helpful for others. I did a somatic coaching training that took me to a whole new depth of inner work. A whole new energetic level, a whole new place. I learned how to practice breathwork consistently and felt first-hand the immense effects this had on my nervous system, my subconscious and my entire being. 

If I had not done all of that, I would not have made any progress. I would be the same person. And I am still not where I want to be. I know I have to keep going. I feel however that I am moving in the right direction, figuring things out one step at a time. Which is painful, but also very freeing. Sometimes, it is hard for people around me to catch up. “What are you doing exactly right now? I thought you were a Yoga teacher. And are you still working as a lawyer?” is something I hear often. And that’s okay. Even when I have a hard time explaining the amount of inner work I have gone through, the tears, the regret, the grief, the sadness, the disillusionment, the disappointment, the fear, the excitement, the happiness, the freedom. Building a business brings out everything under a magnifying glass. 

So when it starts to suck, you feel a bit out of place or conversations that used to be easy get a bit awkward, that is a sign that you are growing. Now growth can impact a lot of areas of your life. You might change the way you think, talk and live. You might change the way you consume information. You might change what you consume, information, food, drinks and other substances. You might make more money than anyone around you. You might make more money than anyone else in your family, you might outearn your parents. Or you might consciously choose to make less money for the first time in your life. You might leave a life that everyone else considers the ultimate life goal, a secure job, a house and a car. And you might have trouble explaining it to people. 

The others

The thing about personal growth is that there are people who understand without saying and people who don’t even know what you are talking about. Some people are perfectly happy where they are, they don’t feel a need to change anything. They might actually really be happy. Absolutely possible. It is also possible that they only want what they know - instead of knowing what they want. And you might want them to do better for themselves. The truth is however that you can never change anyone else or make them grow with you. They might follow along or not. Not your choice.  And there will be people who hate to see you grow. Not everyone will be happy for you. Expect that. Haters gonna hate. You might have to let them go - or at least pay less attention to them. 

The truth is however, and this is something I can guarantee you, that there will be people who are genuinely happy for you, who understand and support you. You just have to find them. Surround yourself with the people that support you to go where you want to go. That might change the dynamics in your older relationships. You might want to spend time with different people, go to different places, travel more or move somewhere else. Or not. In any case, your priorities will change and that will have an impact on your life as you knew it. 

So why do all of that? Seems like a lot of stress. And for what? Well, one thing is for sure: that you only have this one life as this particular person. And you know what’s so much worse than failure? Regret.